Billie paid for her house with beads
In a move that has sent ripples through both the music industry and the Indigenous community (albeit for entirely different reasons), pop icon Billie Eilish was spotted last Tuesday at the local Tohono O’odham Nation Land Requisition Office, clutching a satchel overflowing with hand-strung beads.
“It’s about doing the work,” a visibly earnest Eilish whispered to reporters, her signature green hair peeking out from under a wide-brimmed, ethically sourced hat. “I’ve been learning, unlearning, and re-learning. And, like, the guilt? It’s real. So, I’m here to pay my fair share of land rent, in the traditional medium of… well, beads.”
I PAY FOR MY STOLEN LAND WITH COLD, HARD BEADS
Sources close to the singer (her barista) confirm that Eilish had recently delved deep into a Reddit thread on land acknowledgements, which spiraled into a late-night epiphany about the “literal square footage” of stolen land her mansion was occupying. “It’s not just about the vibe anymore,” she reportedly mused, “it’s about the deeds. And the beads.”
Upon entering the office, a slightly bewildered Elder, sipping from a can of Bud, behind the counter reportedly accepted a string of iridescent glass beads, momentarily mistaking them for a forgotten necklace. Eilish, however, persisted, explaining her calculations: “Each bead represents, like, three square feet of ancestral land, plus an extra one for emotional damages from, you know, colonialism and bad vibes.” The Elder, after a polite pause, then directed her to the finance department, which, Eilish was reportedly surprised to learn, accepts modern currency.
Now, in a twist of self-imposed, high-fashion irony, Eilish has begun sporting a custom-designed, designer face mask, not for health reasons, but for “protection.” “They’re out to get me, you know?” she confided to a paparazzo, gesturing vaguely at the sky. “The Ancestors. The, like, spectral ICE agents of historical injustice. So, I’m just being, like, proactively respectful by mirroring their, uh, aesthetic.” Critics (her publicist) have called the look “problematic chic,” while fans (her dog) remain supportive. It seems even the sincerest acts of virtue signaling sometimes require a little theatrical flair.
The Verse:
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.” — Matthew 23:25
Why this is appropriate:
This verse speaks to the performative nature of outward gestures that lack true, internal transformation or genuine action to address systemic issues. It cautions against the appearance of righteousness when the underlying motivations might be self-serving or fail to grapple with deeper injustices.
A Brief Prayer for Native Americans
Spirit of all lands and peoples, we lift up our Native American brothers and sisters. May they be shielded from the weariness of performative gestures and tokenism, and may their voices rise with strength and truth, cutting through the noise of empty words. Grant them the resources, respect, and sovereignty that is their inherent right, far beyond any fleeting trends or political opportunism. May true justice prevail, and may their enduring spirit be honored, uplifted, and protected. Amen.
