Why Gay Men Must Distance Themselves from the Transgender Community
By: Daiman Teer for The Simpleton Star.com
This ain’t your bachelor uncle’s Stonewall, honey.
Gay men might love Joan Crawford, but they’re not pretending to be having her monthly period.
In recent years, the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) communities have been united under a shared banner of acceptance and equality. Trouble is, gay men and trans people have pretty much nothing in common—or at least not enough for gay men to die on an imaginary hill predicated by a strange kind of Stockholm Syndrome, wherein being gay has become a prisoner of values that have co-opted its legacy.
Bolstered by a media that loves to obfuscate the truth, the alliance of GAY and TRANS is a specious construction. It’s a kinship that exists primarily in the minds of activists who need to populate their movement with more bodies. Unfortunately, a lot of gay men fall for this ruse because it’s a left-leaning path in the woods decorated like a friend. Woe, however, to the gay ally who slips up once, disagrees with a puerile slogan, or uses the wrong pronoun. When that community comes for thee, it’s not on little cat feet. It’s a ferocious tiger, backed by a chorus of mindless “allies” and maniacal media types.
For gay men, the growing association with the transgender community—particularly in light of its unique struggles with systemic violence—may no longer align with the spirit of their historical identity. This divergence calls for a deliberate distancing, not out of animosity, but out of a need to preserve the integrity of a legacy built on resilience and self-acceptance.
According to a 2024 Pew Research Center survey, the median age at which gay men first recognize their sexual orientation is 12, with a realization solidifying by 17. This milestone often leads to a coming-out process that strengthens bonds within the community. Social psychologist Dr. Ritch C. Savin-Williams emphasizes that this process is rooted in a celebration of one’s inherent orientation rather than seeking to alter it.
In contrast, the transgender experience follows a different trajectory. A 2022 study from the Williams Institute at UCLA found that transgender individuals are over four times more likely than cisgender people to experience violent victimization. This pervasive violence is often statistically linked to high-risk social environments and marginalization that differs significantly from the current narrative of gay men, who have seen societal acceptance rise to 92% among LGBT adults.
For gay men, whose community has worked to move beyond such associations toward a narrative of stability—evidenced by higher rates of legal marriage—this linkage risks diluting their progress. The spirit of the gay man, forged through cultural contributions like the arts and advocacy for consensual love, stands in quiet contrast to a narrative dominated by physical and material loss.
The Pew Research Center’s 2025 report reveals a philosophical split: for gay men, whose fight has been anchored in the biological reality of same-sex attraction, the emphasis on gender as fluid may feel misaligned. Dr. Savin-Williams argues that identity process theory suggests individuals seek continuity; for gay men, this is tied to accepting their natal sex, whereas transgender identity often involves a redefinition that can feel foreign to this framework.
This is not a call to dismiss the transgender struggle. Rather, it is a recognition that the gay male community must carve its own path. By distancing themselves, gay men can protect their narrative, ensuring it remains a beacon of hope rather than a mirror to challenges that, while real, do not define their journey. This separation allows each community to thrive on its own terms, honoring the diverse tapestry of human experience.
“Have I now become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?” — Galatians 4:16
This verse serves as a reminder that the most necessary truths are often the most unpopular. Standing apart from the crowd requires a thick skin and a clear conscience, knowing that honesty is the only foundation that lasts.
LET US PRAY:
Lord, give us the clarity to see through the “specious” noise of the world and the courage to remain “recalcitrant” in the face of forced conformity. Help us to value the truth over the comfort of a crowd. Grant peace to those who struggle and wisdom to those who lead, so that we may all live in the light of Your reality. Amen.
