By Daiman Teer
For: The Simpleton Star
Jimmy Kimmel. The name alone makes my skin crawl.
This guy isn’t just unfunny—he’s a walking, talking embarrassment to late-night TV, a Botoxed bot who fakes tears like a bad actor in a soap opera. Kimmel’s career was built on a foundation of sleaze: sexually suggestive skits that demeaned women as props, blackface routines mocking minorities like Karl Malone and Oprah Winfrey, and enough misogynistic garbage from The Man Show to fill a landfill.
Remember him humping women on camera or joking that Oprah should do “less brainwashing and more sock-washing”? That’s not comedy. That’s a cry for help from a guy who peaked as a frat-boy hack. And now, after barely dodging cancellation for his endless Trump-bashing and Charlie Kirk assassination gaffes—ABC yanked his show off-air indefinitely in September 2025—he’s back, peddling lies that make you question if he’s on payroll from the DNC.
Strap in, because this moron’s got no shame, and neither do I in calling him out.
Let’s start with the fake waterworks. Kimmel loves to cry on cue, turning personal tragedy into political ammo.
In 2017, his newborn son Billy was born with a congenital heart defect—Tetralogy of Fallot with pulmonary atresia—requiring open-heart surgery at three days old. Heartbreaking stuff, no doubt. But instead of keeping it private, Kimmel wept on air, then pivoted straight to slamming Trump for proposing $6 billion in NIH cuts that could’ve hurt kids with pre-existing conditions.
“No parent should have to decide if they can afford to save their child’s life,” he sobbed, conveniently ignoring that Obamacare didn’t cover routine pediatric care either and that Congress actually boosted funding by $2 billion anyway.
WTF, Kimmel? Blame Trump for your baby’s surgery? That’s not emotional—it’s manipulative, a cheap ploy to rally the liberal tears brigade. Kimmel’s done it over and over: crying about gun violence one night, border kids the next, always with that mopey underbite of his quivering like he’s auditioning for a Lifetime movie.
Is Kimmel unstable? You bet. He’s the poster boy for Hollywood hysterics, turning vulnerability into a weapon while the rest of us gag.
And his show? A ratings dumpster fire. In 2025, Jimmy Kimmel Live! scraped by with 1.6 million viewers on average, shedding audiences like a snake sheds skin.
Kimmel is still lagging behind unfunny and mentally sick Stephen Colbert at 2.42 million, and that’s before his suspension tanked it further—down 85% in the key demo post-comeback.
No one watches Kimmel because it’s not funny. It’s a smug echo chamber of coastal elite whining, punctuated by celebrity fluff and anti-Trump rants that land like wet noodles. Kimmel’s not entertaining; he’s preaching to a choir that’s already asleep.
Fox’s Gutfeld! laps him with 31% year-over-year gains, proving real talk beats Botoxed blather every time.
But the real kicker? Kimmel’s latest gaslighting masterpiece: denying Antifa exists.
On October 9, 2025—just days after Treasury launched a probe into Antifa’s dark money trails from billionaire Neville Roy Singham—Kimmel sneered to his dwindling audience, “You understand, there is no Antifa? This is an entirely imaginary organization… no different than if they announced they rounded up a dozen Decepticons or the Chupacabra.” Tell that to the Portland Antifa thug who posted a death threat video against journalist Andy Ngo last week, or the Chicago professor arrested October 10 with a loaded gun at an anti-ICE riot, waving Antifa flags while comparing feds to Nazis. Antifa’s no myth—it’s a funded network of violent radicals, torching businesses, assaulting cops, and coordinating riots with over $100 million from shadowy donors.
Kimmel mocks the victims—the shop owners in flames, the journalists doxxed and beaten—while parroting DNC talking points. How bought-off do you have to be in Tinseltown to whitewash domestic terrorists?
Trump’s executive order labeling Antifa a terrorist org in September 2025 wasn’t fantasy; it was overdue accountability.
Kimmel’s denial? That’s the real fiction, a desperate shield for the underground hatred that’s left cities smoldering. Kimmel’s entire schtick is a fraud: the “everyman” who preys on women and minorities for laughs, fakes empathy for clicks, and shills for the radical left while his viewership circles the drain.
He’s not only unstable; he’s a calculated con artist, underbite and all, freezing his face to hide the rot underneath. Hollywood’s given him a pass too long—blackface in the ’90s, Megan Fox sexualization jokes in 2009, kid-on-kid racism skits in 2013.
Time’s up, Jimmy. You’re no journalist, no comedian—just a paid propagandist mocking real pain for a paycheck. Crawl back to your Man Show cave and stay there. America doesn’t need your tears or your lies. We need truth-tellers, not tear-jerking traitors to decency. If Antifa’s “imaginary,” explain the billions in funding and the blood on the streets.
If you (and your untalented and uncreative writers) can’t do that, I say shut up and fade away—you’re already yesterday’s punchline.
